Heathers weightloss journey (Heathers losing it)

Slipping

2010-04-18T15:33:00.000-07:00

As of Wednesday I have lost 54.4 lbs. Such a fantastic accomplishment. So why am I slipping. It started with some chips last week. One night of eating them turned into two nights of eating them, which turned into pizza night and Wendy's for lunch. I know I should not be eating like this but its like a switch went off that has stopped me from giving a crap.

It's all gone

2010-04-11T06:44:00.000-07:00

I am hyperventilating a little bit today. O.k maybe a lot. I went through my entire wardrobe and got rid of every single item that is to big. A big yellow garbage bag full of clothing went out the door never to be worn by me ever again. I am feeling a little bit panicked about this because of two reasons.

First- I can never put the weight back on. Because if I do I will have to walk around naked, and no one wants to see that.

Second- About this time last year I was pregnant, fat, swollen and miserable. I was putting away some clothes and was very irritated how full my dresser was. At that moment I thought I was going to be fat forever and decided to get rid of all my smaller clothing (size 10- 18) I held on to size 20 and 22

So now I am left with size 20 clothing which is getting very loose and I am kicking myself for throwing away all that smaller stuff. But on the bright side 19 days until I go to Florida and can do a major shopping spree while I am in the states :)

50 !!!!!

2010-04-05T12:24:00.000-07:00

Last week at my WI I hit 50 lbs off. I am so excited to be able to tell people I have lost 50 lbs, it is such an achievement. Today I went shopping for some new t-shirts, my old ones are getting pretty ratty. I went into Old navy and got 5 new ones in XL. I was thrilled to be back in an XL last summer the XXL ones were to tight for me and now I am into a XL. Large here I come :)

WI

2010-03-11T10:48:00.001-08:00

Down 2.6

The wall

2010-03-04T11:30:00.000-08:00

I have a wall with my weight loss. Don't know why it is there but it was. I have made about 4 good attempts at losing weight each time getting 30 + off. For some reason after I hit 30 I go way off track start gaining back and quit. I call it my curse. I hit 30 lbs in the beginning of February and started to worry. Would I make it out of the 30's and go on or would the curse strike again and throw me against the wall.

Well last night at my WI I lost 2 lbs and broke through my wall. I have lost 40.2 lbs!!!!!!!

WI

2010-03-04T11:29:00.001-08:00

Down 2 lbs this week :)

Dread the Shred

2010-02-27T09:47:00.000-08:00

So after hearing so much talk about the 30 day shred in the WW community I decided to pick it up when I saw it at Costco. How hard could it be? I have been working out pretty hard for the last few months so the shred should be a piece of cake.

OMG was I wrong. It absolutely killed me. I almost screamed when she said I have to do jumping jacks. I mean seriously I am a 227 lb woman I don't do jumping jacks. But in the spirit of trying new things I did them, even though my stomach flab was jumping up and down as I was. I think the weights I used were to heavy because the strength training was so difficult for me. Don't even get me started on the ab work.

And I have to do this for 30 days. God help me.

Yuck

2010-02-26T18:18:00.000-08:00

So I decided today it was time to take another picture of the progress I have made. Don't know why but I decided to have my husband take a picture of me in my bathing suite. I guess I wanted to get a more accurate look at where I am losing, what needs work etc. Well all I can say is yuck. I should be against the law for me to be wearing bathing suites. But as mortifying as it is hopefully in a year from now I will look back and say "wow can't believe I ever looked like that" and be glad that I documented how far I came.

I was studying the two pictures I have posted and I look bigger in the bathing suite pic. I am 14 lbs lighter in my new pic but I still think I look bigger.

WI

2010-02-25T07:22:00.000-08:00

I weighed in last night and was down 3.4. I have now lost a total of 38.2 lbs. So close to breaking 40 :)

Tomato head

2010-02-22T11:44:00.000-08:00

So if you popped off my head and replaced it with a tomato that would be a fair portrait of what I look like after I work out. No maybe I'm wrong there is a hint of purple in my tomato head. Maybe I should replace my head with a plum? An eggplant? Hmmm next time I am in the grocery store I will be sure to examine all purple/ red produce.

I have gotten into the routine of working out 30 minutes on the elliptical every afternoon,. When I first started working out I noticed the tomato head when I finished my workout. I though it was maybe because I was so out of shape and carrying around 266 lbs. But 34 lbs and a few months later I am just as red when I finish. Not sure what that is all about. My husband laughs at me and my baby kind of gives me a funny look after my workouts. I wonder if I am doomed a lifetime of being a tomato head. Seriously I look like I am going to drop dead with a stroke after my workouts. That's probably the reason why people used to look at my with worry when I used to work out at the gym.

WI

2010-02-18T10:40:00.000-08:00

Down 5 lbs this week!!!!!!! With a total of 34.8 lbs released 40 lbs here I come.

Front of the pack!

2010-02-16T12:10:00.001-08:00

So six weeks ago I started a new challenge with about 40 other ladies. We each paid $10 and are competing to see who can lose the most weight in 16 weeks. We are into week 6 now and I was the top loser as of the last WI with 4.84% lost. I am very excited about it since I began the competition with a slight gain. I know I will lose my top spot in the upcoming weeks but it feels good to have got there at least once during the competition. The ladies have been a great inspiration and motivational force to get my but in gear.

WI

2010-02-13T15:44:00.000-08:00

Down 1.2 lbs Moving in the right direction.

WI

2010-02-03T18:49:00.000-08:00

Down 3.4 today for a total of 28.6. I am almost back to the weight I was before I fell off the wagon at Christmas.

I thought I was fat

2010-02-01T13:25:00.000-08:00

So my husband found an old photo album of a couple of vacations I took when I was 19 years old. One of the trips was to the Dominican and I remember being so self conscious because I thought I was huge. I am wearing shorts with my bathing suit to hide my legs and am in a one piece suit. OMG I can't believe I thought I was fat back then, I was so skinny. I was maybe 140 lbs in those pictures but because my friend was 20 lbs lighter I thought I was a hippo. I am now 100 lbs heavier then my old "fat" self. What I would kill to be that "fat" again. I wish I could go back in time tell that girl you are beautiful stop hiding yourself. And maybe give her a smack and tell her to stay away from potato chips and french fries in the future.

Oh Crap

2010-01-31T07:09:00.001-08:00

I looked :(

I am slowly going crazy 1-2-3-4-5-6

2010-01-30T07:14:00.000-08:00

switch crazy going slowly am I 6-5-4-3-2-1 switch

I have been scaleless for about 3 days now and it is driving me insane. I need to know am I up am I down WHAT IS GOIN ON with my weight. My husband is losing weight and he only weighs himself once a week. He doesn't obsess he does not even care. How can he not care. I need to know what I weigh in the morning, after I shower, after I go pee and before I go to bed. Again, its my love hate relationship. Hello my name is Heather and I'm a scaleaholic.

WI

2010-01-27T19:07:00.000-08:00

Worked my ass off last week and was down 4 lbs for a total of 25.2 lbs released.

Still hate the scale

2010-01-27T09:20:00.000-08:00

I've said it before and I'll again I HATE my bathroom scale. I think it is the most unhealthy relationship I have ever been in. Why don't I get rid of it? Because I love it and some days it is good to me. Today I see it as a torture device. If I was ever kidnapped and tortured to reveal government secrets all they would need to do is make me weigh myself 4 times a day on my bathroom scale. I mean seriously today it gave me an 11 lb difference. Every time I stepped on the little bugger it showed me a different weight. Oh well rant done.

2010-01-25T08:36:00.000-08:00

OMG I must be insane. I have registered to climb the CN Tower on April 17, 2010. Don't know what came over me but I am scared to death. I am climbing for the WWF -Canada if anyone wants to sponsor me please follow this link http://my.e2rm.com/personalPage.aspx?registrationID=807027 Thank you

It's been awhile

2010-01-25T08:28:00.000-08:00

So I after going through the 266 menu I could not find very many things I liked so I decided maybe it was unrealistic to follow. So I stopped after a day. Sorry 266.

It's been awhile since I have updated. I fell way off track over the holidays and had a huge gain. I got over it and got back on program (well kinda) . It took a few weeks to work out some kinks but now I feel really good about being OP. I am in a challenge that ends in April so that is giving me lots of motivation. I started walking again which feels so good and drinking tons of water. Anyway this is getting to be a boring post so I will stop now.

Day 1 of 266

2009-12-13T09:42:00.000-08:00

So I am trying an experiment I am following the 266 blog and going to attempt to go back to her first day and follow her food and exercise plan today is day 1.
o.k here we go. Looks like I am starting off easy:) I have the menu planned out and just need to complete a 25 minute walk. I will report on my progress hopefully later

Biggest Loser

2009-10-19T08:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was the first day in a new challenge I am in. I am very excited about it because I love challenges I feel they help me stay motivated. This week is the water challenge I feel I can do well at this because I love water and drink lots anyway.

On the darker side of things I am feeling nervous about my weigh in this week. We had Thanksgiving dinner a week late at my in-laws on Saturday. I served myself very little portions thinking if I am still hungry after I eat I will go back for another piece of turkey. before I could sit down to eat the baby started fussing so I got up and spent 10 minutes rocking him to sleep. After he was sleeping I ate my dinner and thought I will have some more turkey but unfortunately everybody else helped them selves to seconds before I could get there. So I went home hungry and against my better judgement asked Evan to stop off and get my chips on the way home. I ate 3/4 of the bag all by myself and was still not satisfied so i sent Evan out to McDonald's and when all was said and done i ate about 5 times my points for the day.

Scrapbook

2009-10-16T11:56:00.000-07:00

I found an old weight loss scrapbook I had been working on a few years ago. It was pretty depressing to see how well I had done just to throw it all away and gain back plus 20 more. I removed the pages and stored them away and decided to start again (even though I am already 3 months and 30 lbs into it). Hopefully I can keep up with adding to it and it does not end up in the graveyard of unfinished scrapbooks along with my wedding one and my first son's one.

I had my weigh in yesterday and am ashamed at the fact I was upset by the number. I lost 2.2 lbs which is an awesome number especially since it was after a holiday. But I had the number 3.4 stuck in my head because that is what I needed to lose to reach 30 pounds off. Anyway the baby is crying so I'm off to do my mommy thing.

Celebrate

2009-10-09T07:27:00.000-07:00

Well I have a few milestones I am able to celebrate this week. Might as well jump right into it. Yesterday I lost 2 lbs and reached my WW 10% got yet another key chain to add to my collection from previous failed WW attempts. But this will be my last key chain I don't have an option to lose my footing and fall backwards again. This 2 lb loss also put me into the 230's a place where I am excited to be and I am at 239 the same weight I was when I got pregnant with my first son. So that means I have taken off every single pound I gained in either of my pregnancies.

I am losing slowly this time and I am fine with it. I have done the race to take off the weight before and always found myself weighing more at the end of those journeys then when I started. So a 1 -2lb loss a week is fine by me. I do have a goal to get below 200 by my 30th birthday which is in May but if I don't meet that its o.k. I guess my real goal is to still be on program and losing by my 30th birthday.

Get that F@#king thing out of here!!!!

2009-10-03T18:58:00.000-07:00

That was my thoughts when I weighed myself this morning and did not like what I saw. First I stepped on 246 "grrr that can't be right" step off and back on 237 "nice but I better double check" step off and back on 242 "WTF" The scale has to go! Its not the binge eating or the lack of exercise that makes me fall off the wagon, its the scale. I obsessively weigh myself everyday sometimes more then once a day. I get easily discouraged by the numbers which leads into a more lax-ed attitude towards eating healthy. So after working the WW program like a rock star I weighed myself this morning and was pissed off with what I saw so I told my husband to take the scale and hide it. For the month of October I am committing myself to only getting weighed in at my WW. meeting

10 reasons why I need to lose weight

2009-10-01T14:11:00.001-07:00

1. I need to get healthy for myself

2. I need to get healthy for my boys

3. I don't want people to tell me I have a pretty face anymore. Just tell me I'm pretty

4. I don't want to walk into rooms anymore and scan them to see if I am the fattest person in it.

5. I don't want to reach mid-life and still be fat

6. I don't want diabetes, heart disease or any other weight related issues

7. I don't want to hide from people I used to know because I don't want them to see how fat I got

8. I want to be a role model for my boys

9. I want to pass on healthy living to my boys

10. I want to buy cute clothes in regular stores

The dreaded bathing suit

2009-08-18T20:25:00.000-07:00

Whats a camping trip without partaking in the lake activities? So against my better judgement I pulled out my dreaded bathing suit put it on and skipped down to the beach with my family. I hate my bathing suit its a brown one piece that has a little skirt thingy at the front that I guess is supposed to....what? Give me the illusion of looking skinny? No the arm and back fat cancels out that. Hide my crotch? But why would I want to hide my crotch its the only part of me besides my ankles that is not fat. Give me the safety of having a little more material to hide behind? Who knows. So I put on my swim suit and pranced around the beach in front of all the little skinny girls baking in the sun paranoid they are all looking and snickering at me. "Hey I may die of heart disease, but your gonna die of skin cancer." As I was walking into the water I happened to notice a group of middle eastern women also entering the lake all fully clothed and thought to myself now they have the right idea. How I would love to throw on my baggy jogging pants an over sized t shirt and frolic in the water with out a care in the world. Then again how do you stay afloat with all those clothes on plus they would be a bitch to dry. Hopefully this will be my last summer in my brown suit and next summer I can frolic in my bikini but hold the skin cancer please.

Weekend camping trip

2009-08-17T11:15:00.000-07:00

On a spur of the moment Evan and I decided to take Jack our 2 year old son camping. So we ditched the baby at my parents and off to the woods we went (Well if you count a Ontario provincial park the woods) I was very careful in planning our menu I picked hamburgers and hot dogs that were very low on points and packed lots of fresh fruit and other healthy snacks. All in all it was a success we got in lots of swimming and walking including my very short late night speed walks to the washrooms. I have a slight gain on my scale but that is expected considering I lost 6.6 lbs last week. I won't consider it a gain until I have my official weigh in on Wednesday.

Back at it again

2009-08-13T12:51:00.000-07:00

Well after giving birth to my beautiful new son I am back at it. Re joined WW July second and have lost 18.2 lbs so far so I am off to a great start. I had a very difficult pregnancy was very sick, but still managed to gain 30 lbs. I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes at 35 weeks which means I now have a 50% chance of developing type 2 diabetes later in life. At 36 weeks I went into labour and gave birth to my 9 pound son. He had some health issues and was in the NICU for 10 days and I can't help but feel if I had taken better care of myself before I got pregnant he would have been fine.

I'm Pregnant

2008-11-08T06:47:00.001-08:00

So its been a while since I have posted anything. Well the reason is I'm pregnant due June 26. I am nervous being a such a high weight but I am pretty much the same when I was pregnant with my son and i came through that good. I have spoken to my doctor and am going to try to gain little weight this time around not the 40 i gained last time. I have been feeling very very sick and exhausted all the time its hard to focus on healthy lifestyle when all you want to do is lay down and puke.

If I don't post it did not happen!

2008-09-27T12:15:00.000-07:00

So last week I had my first gain since I got back on track with my weight loss. It was a whopping 0.2. I did not post last week thinking if I don't talk about it it did not happen. I feel guilty about that because gains are inevitable and I would hardly call 0.2 a gain I mean if I had chose a different pair of pants to wear or took my wedding ring off then I may not have gained. But over the week I let that measly 0.2 get a hold of me. The bad thoughts started to creep into my head. I stopped exercising and tracking my points. Next thing I knew I'm sitting on the couch eating a bag of potato chips. Good thing I came to my senses in the nick of time got right back on track and had a 1.6 loss this week.

Wednesday Weigh in.

2008-09-10T17:32:00.000-07:00

Well another week has passed and I'm happy to report I am down another 3.4 this week. That makes it a total of 16.4 pounds. Had a bit of a stressful week so I was not sure I could pull off a big number. I had what I have self diagnosed myself with a panic attack. I was at work when my heart started racing I was feeling panicky and almost fainted (in a class full of 6 year olds) Well it passed and I have not had an "episode" since. Work has been very stressful. I am working with a very challenging boy who does not listen and throws a fit on average of once every 20 minutes. And the classroom teacher always gives me looks like why can't you control this kid. I have been planning on transferring schools so I am just waiting for the postings to come out and getting stressed about starting at a new school. Anyway I am happy with my weight loss this week. It's so good to finally see big numbers. I thought I had run out of them.

Will I ever beat it?

2008-09-06T18:23:00.000-07:00

I took a long hard sometimes embarrassing reflection on my previous weight loss attempts this morning. I am absolutely astonished how many times I have started lost 30-35 lbs and quit. It apparently is my cycle I join get really motivated and start losing. I remember how good it feels to see and feel the weight come off. With every pound I drop I gain a little more self confidence. I am not interested in fast food or chips I have my sights on the finish and nothing can stop me. Then I trip and crash to the ground. And the thing that gets me its always one bad choice that unravels all my hard work. One trip to McDonald's and three months later I am back to where I started with a few extra pounds for a souvenir. The thing that bothers me the most is the question "will I ever beat it?" Will I ever come to a point in my life where I can have McDonald's and the next meal move on? Its like a drug addiction I have a little taste and I'm in full blown relapse. I want more and more. Will I ever beat it?

Wednesday weigh in

2008-09-03T17:17:00.000-07:00

Big week for me. School started so that means I'm back to work and I had a 4lb weight loss this week. I am happy to be back to work because when I'm busy is when I do best on my program. Sitting at home all summer bored makes it to tempting for overeating and late night snacks. I feel I concentrate more on healthy lunches and breakfast something I do not do in the summer. The down side to being back to work is the self conscious part of me really shines through. When you work in a school full of skinnys its hard to feel good about yourself. I am always worried that my clothes don't look like they fit or my worse fear that one of my students will make a comment about my weight. I'm in a class full of grade ones and it would be easy enough for one to innocently make a comment. Oh and don't get me started on class pictures.

Had my weigh in today and like I said lost 4lbs I am thrilled to finally pull off a big number. I was so worried that I had no big numbers left in me to pull but I did it. It helps build my confidence when I am doing well.

Time for myself

2008-08-29T19:32:00.000-07:00

I have a son he is 18 months old and in perfect health. Why is he healthy? Because I have taken the time to ensure he is getting proper nutrition. He eats whole grains, veggies, fruits I am completely aware of what is going into his body. So why did I not give myself the same consideration. While he was eating grilled chicken and veggies I was eating potato chips for dinner. While he was running around playing in the yard I was sitting on the sidelines. When I was pregnant with him I added good stuff into my diet so he would be healthy and grow. But as soon as he was born I gave up the good stuff. Its not only my son, I spend countless hours a week house cleaning taking care of the environment I live in. I put oil in my car (well not really but it fits with what im trying to get across her in my little rant) to make sure its running properly. I spend all my free time at work looking for better ways to educate my students. But I cant take time for myself?

Wednesday Weigh In

2008-08-27T19:25:00.000-07:00

Today was my weigh in day and I lost -1.6. I am happy I lost but still feel disappointed I have not had that one major loss I always do at the start of my many many many weight loss attempts. I took a look back at my journals and noticed I have not been eating all my daily points. So that is my goal this week to eat all my points. Today was the first day and it was hard. By 9:00pm this evening I still had 15 points left so I have been eating non-stop and dumping flax seed on everything to boost the nutritional value and calories. Anyway enough with the technical talk. I am starting to worry about next week. I work with the school board so i go back on Tuesday and worry about how I will eat healthy and get in my exercise. I find it hard in September because just in the distance I see Christmas and with Christmas is 20 lb weight gains. Christmas is my Everest.

The F word

2008-08-25T19:25:00.000-07:00

I have known my husband for 8 years and for the first time ever he called me fat tonight. Actually the exact quote was a fat C*nt. Out of all the screaming matches we have ever had that was the first time that has come out. Its not like I have never been called fat before, 5 years ago I worked in a group home for troubled teens and received my share of fat comments. But to hear that from the person who is supposed to love you. To know that after everything you have been through with this person when it comes down to it all they see is FAT. Soon after he immediately tried to back track I did not mean it, your not fat blah blah blah. But come on its like calling the sky blue then going back and trying to say it isn't. I live my life hating the way I look, I go out and I feel so self conscious, I worry about what people think and say about me. My solitude has always been my home never having to feel ashamed of myself and now its like I don't have that.

Another weekend down

2008-08-24T20:25:00.000-07:00

Whew! Made it through another weekend and stayed on program. I don't know why weekends are so hard I mean in my profession I get summers off so everyday is the same routine but when Friday night hits its like my brain switched to another frequency and I want to eat. Everything becomes just that little more difficult its harder to avoid junk food and harder to exercise.

Wednesday Weigh In

2008-08-22T13:39:00.000-07:00

Wednesday I weighed in and have to selfishly admit I was disappointed. I lost 2.8 most people would call that an accomplishment but I just cant get excited about that number. It was my third weigh in since going back to WW. My first two weeks I cheated and did not exercise very much and lost 2.4 each week. My third week was the week I really committed. I could not justify paying every week If I was not going to be serious. So last week I tracked everything I ate started going on my elliptical everyday drank water like crazy and I all I can pull off is the same number when I was doing it half ass-ed. I just have to keep going and get as much off at the beginning when I am still motivated because I have been here many times before and know later on the weigh starts to trickle off it gets hard.

This weeks weight loss: -2.8 lbs
Total weight loss: -7.4 lbs

Here we go again!!!!!!

2008-08-19T08:53:00.000-07:00

Here i go on my 4ooth attempt to lose weight (encouraging eh) well where do I start. Hello my name is Heather and I'm a foodaholic. I have been overweight since I was 21 30 pounds overweight I have battled it sometimes with passion and sometimes not at all. Well 7 years and one kid later I am 120 lbs overweight. How did I get here? I don't know. I sometimes joke about being a reverse anorexic when I look in a mirror I don't see an obese girl just a chubby girl. But sometimes just sometimes I catch a glimpse of me in a picture and reality sinks in. I am obese slowly killing myself with food. I hate it I hate being tired and grumpy I hate shopping for food being scared people are looking at me I hate buying clothes and I hate being the biggest mom at the playground. I joined WW 3 weeks ago and have lost 4.8lbs so far not a whole lot but now I am going to kick it up a notch and I will succeed. I have another weigh in tomorrow so I will wish myself luck.