So last week I had my first gain since I got back on track with my weight loss. It was a whopping 0.2. I did not post last week thinking if I don't talk about it it did not happen. I feel guilty about that because gains are inevitable and I would hardly call 0.2 a gain I mean if I had chose a different pair of pants to wear or took my wedding ring off then I may not have gained. But over the week I let that measly 0.2 get a hold of me. The bad thoughts started to creep into my head. I stopped exercising and tracking my points. Next thing I knew I'm sitting on the couch eating a bag of potato chips. Good thing I came to my senses in the nick of time got right back on track and had a 1.6 loss this week.
Well another week has passed and I'm happy to report I am down another 3.4 this week. That makes it a total of 16.4 pounds. Had a bit of a stressful week so I was not sure I could pull off a big number. I had what I have self diagnosed myself with a panic attack. I was at work when my heart started racing I was feeling panicky and almost fainted (in a class full of 6 year olds) Well it passed and I have not had an "episode" since. Work has been very stressful. I am working with a very challenging boy who does not listen and throws a fit on average of once every 20 minutes. And the classroom teacher always gives me looks like why can't you control this kid. I have been planning on transferring schools so I am just waiting for the postings to come out and getting stressed about starting at a new school. Anyway I am happy with my weight loss this week. It's so good to finally see big numbers. I thought I had run out of them.
I took a long hard sometimes embarrassing reflection on my previous weight loss attempts this morning. I am absolutely astonished how many times I have started lost 30-35 lbs and quit. It apparently is my cycle I join get really motivated and start losing. I remember how good it feels to see and feel the weight come off. With every pound I drop I gain a little more self confidence. I am not interested in fast food or chips I have my sights on the finish and nothing can stop me. Then I trip and crash to the ground. And the thing that gets me its always one bad choice that unravels all my hard work. One trip to McDonald's and three months later I am back to where I started with a few extra pounds for a souvenir. The thing that bothers me the most is the question "will I ever beat it?" Will I ever come to a point in my life where I can have McDonald's and the next meal move on? Its like a drug addiction I have a little taste and I'm in full blown relapse. I want more and more. Will I ever beat it?
Big week for me. School started so that means I'm back to work and I had a 4lb weight loss this week. I am happy to be back to work because when I'm busy is when I do best on my program. Sitting at home all summer bored makes it to tempting for overeating and late night snacks. I feel I concentrate more on healthy lunches and breakfast something I do not do in the summer. The down side to being back to work is the self conscious part of me really shines through. When you work in a school full of skinnys its hard to feel good about yourself. I am always worried that my clothes don't look like they fit or my worse fear that one of my students will make a comment about my weight. I'm in a class full of grade ones and it would be easy enough for one to innocently make a comment. Oh and don't get me started on class pictures.
Had my weigh in today and like I said lost 4lbs I am thrilled to finally pull off a big number. I was so worried that I had no big numbers left in me to pull but I did it. It helps build my confidence when I am doing well.